Conversations With the Crow Read online

  RTC: An interesting analogy.

  GD: Revolutions don’t start overnight. The French Revolution had its roots in the determination of a burgeoning middle class to obtain equal rights along with the monarchy, the clergy and the nobility. Things got out of control and the mob woke up and wreaked bloody havoc on France for some time. Read Carlisle on this subject. Or read Eric Hoffer. I recommend The True Believer for a very penetrating analysis of mass movements and their fanatic adherents. We don’t have this problem here, at least now, but things change and if we don’t change with them, then there are problems.

  RTC: I think the older we get, the less we welcome change.

  GD: Routine can be comforting at that. But suppose some stuffy bureaucrat got up one morning, shoved the family cat into the microwave, turned it on, drove his van across the neighbor’s lawn and crushed the stone dwarves and then ran all the red lights on the way to the office? And when he got to his work pen, he set the contents of his desk on fire and ran around the office buck naked?

  RTC: I have a feeling he would be locked up somewhere for some time. You have a very active imagination, Gregory, or did you do this?

  GD: No but when I see the automatons on the road or marching in lockstep on the sidewalks of the financial district, such thoughts are not unnatural to me. I love to do the unexpected. I recall once when a friend’s father, who ran a local Penney store, gave me a half a dozen obsolete window dummies. My God, sir, did I have my fun. We took a little girl, cute thing with pigtails, cut a hole in her back and filled her insides with lots of raspberry Jello. Then we put a pinafore and a pair of nice shoes and socks on her, took her down to the SP tracks and set her up just this side of the railroad bridge. My Russian friend and I sat in the bushes and when the Del Monte Special, filled with the idle rich, came down the line doing 80, the headlights picked up the little darling on the tracks, illuminating her winsome form for the people stopped by the track gates. Horns blowing, howling drivers, panic and then when the train hit her squarely, a great fan of red Jello and papier-mâché body parts descended on the stopped cars. Now that was something to remember, Robert. Engineer slammed on the breaks, dropped sand, skidded with many sparks and blaring air horn into the local station and I will always remember the idle rich flying all over the interior of the illuminated club car. We got away with it but only barely. Booted police stamping all around our bushes, looking for the fiends. We didn’t do that one again but believe me, it was worth it.

  RTC: (Laughter)

  GD: I see you do have a sense of humor, Robert. There were other dummies to be put to good use. Sometime later I can give you more cheerful anecdotes to make your day.

  RTC: I hope all of that is behind you, Gregory.

  GD: Oh yes, long ago but not forgotten. By the way, speaking of things behind, can you give me one word that describes what happened when a very fat woman backed into a rotating airplane propeller?

  RTC: Not offhand.

  GD: Disaster.

  RTC: Are you smoking something illegal?

  GD: No, too much coffee and too many fond memories. Let me go back to the book and leave you thinking about the chaos inside the Embassy when you turn on your noise box.

  RTC: That’s probably enough for now.

  GD: ‘Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof,’ Robert, and I will talk to you later.

  (Concluded at 10:21 AM CST)

  Conversation No. 15

  Date: Wednesday, May 22, 1996

  Commenced: 12:15 PM CST

  Concluded: 12:45 PM CST

  GD: Am I interrupting anything?

  RTC: No, nothing important. Mostly I do paperwork in the morning, lunch, nap a little and not much else. Gregory, a question here. Have you ever heard of Richard Condon?

  GD: Yes, I have read two of his books. He just died, I think last month I read about it.

  RTC: The Manchurian Candidate?

  GD: That’s one of his first books. Interesting concept. I saw the movie with Frank Sinatra in the early ‘60s. Very complex man with his plots and the brainwashing business was too much. They get ahold of an idea and run off with it.

  RTC: The Company was deeply into brainwashing. It was an utter fiasco and we can talk about it in some detail later but I am glad you know about the book and the concept.

  GD: Right. Brainwashed a POW and then got him to shoot at a politician. I smelt the Kennedy business in there. He hated Nixon.

  RTC: He hated everybody.

  GD: Depressing, Robert. Authors pour out their sublimated hatred for their wives, their parents, their teachers and God alone knows who else. What was it about the Condon book?

  RTC: Just some report I came across last night while I was putting some of my papers into new files. “The Manchurian Candidate” was the title of the study. Actually, we were watching someone who had been a POW during the Vietnam business.

  GD: You think he was brainwashed and is going to shoot the mayor of Buffalo Breath, Montana?

  RTC: No, not brainwashed, Gregory, turned.

  GD: The North Koreans turned one of our prisoners?

  RTC: No, the Russian KGB did.

  GD: Well, that makes more sense. I know a number of Russians, met a really sharp one in Bern when I was living there. That I could believe, but I can’t see them using brainwashing. I’ve heard about the CIA’s giving people drugs and using microwaves and so on. The Russians are not that idiotic.

  RTC: Now, now, Gregory, not everything we did was lunatic. No, the Russians had access to some of the prisoners and we think they turned at least one of them. Not brainwashing, money.

  GD: Yes, yes, now you make sense. Using secret radio waves…I knew a nut one time who wore a beret lined with aluminum foil to prevent Martian radio waves from getting through. Now don’t laugh, he actually did. I ran a group therapy class once and he was a patient. Oh, nuttier than usual, but I prevailed on the head doctor to let him wear his beret and he calmed right down after punching two nurses and a food attendant. A sort of metallic pacifier but it did work and it kept the place calm. Money, of course, is more immediate and more effective than brainwashing. So they got to a prisoner of war, did they? He must have been someone they could use. Some stupid grunt from Alabama would be useless unless they wanted him to let the family hogs run out onto an interstate when an unwanted politician’s motorcade was passing.

  RTC: Gregory, there are time when I can see why poor Kimmel can’t put up with you. Do try to be serious, won’t you? Yes, a person who was perhaps important but more likely someone who could become important later.

  GD: Makes sense. I don’t think the Cong ever captured a Senator on a goodwill tour of Saigon whorehouses. And I don’t think they captured any really high ranking officers, did they? Is that what you’re talking about?

  RTC: Now you’re coming down to reality from the clouds. No, they did not have any Generals or Admirals in the Hanoi Hilton but they did have someone almost as important but it was a potential, not an actual.

  GD: And?

  RTC: And if there was such a captive, the Russians, who worked with the North Vietnamese…had liaison people there and we knew it…so they looked over the captive list and perhaps found someone that could be useful, if they could turn him. Suppose they found one?

  GD: I suppose they did, didn’t they?

  RTC: Well, we were not…are not…certain but we believe this happened. You know, we and the Russians were supposed to be deadly enemies then but in our game, there really are no enemies, just different shades of gray.

  GD: That I am aware of. A Russian friend of mine told me that there was a regular connection with the Americans and that information went back and forth. Luxembourg as he told me…

  RTC: Yes, indeed.

  GD: So what? Professionals helping each other to make each other look good. I’d do it. I mean if you had an agent at some altitude who was fanatically anti-Soviet, he would be blind to the subtleties of reality, wouldn’t he? Narrow-minded fanatics are of very
limited use, I have found out.

  RTC: Exactly so, Gregory, exactly so. I was a specialist on the KGB and I knew a few people from the other side. That’s where I got my indication that their people had turned one of ours. A hint, but a strong one. And then we went through lists of people, vetted the ones that were likely candidates…

  GD: But not Manchurian ones?

  RTC: No, Moscow candidates.

  GD: You know, I had a Russian friend tell me one time that he was constantly amazed at how easy it was to turn Americans. He used the phrase, the three Bs…

  RTC: ‘Booze, bucks and broads?’

  GD: Precisely. He said that money or pussy got them far more than threats or blackmail. He had a rather low opinion of Americans, I hate to say.

  RTC: They aren’t perfect either, but he has a point.

  GD: What did they turn your suspect with? Not booze in a prison. Money? Cunt? If he has potential, probably money, right?

  RTC: Yes, just that, money. Oh, and little special treatments like more baths, a little better food and things like that.

  GD: Well, if he was in with others, they couldn’t have been too lavish. Others would have noticed. One has to be careful. No television sets, visiting whores or lobster dinners for him. I can see a few extra cigarettes here and there, a glass of booze while having a medical exam. I suppose small things like that are possible and very useful tools. You know, Robert, Mueller was a master interrogator. He was a very intelligent man and instead of beating people he talked to them. He said if you were proper with them and even extended small courtesies during the interrogation, you could work wonders.

  RTC: He’s right. But in this case, greed and envy….

  GD: Envy? Now that’s interesting. Competition? Now there’s a piano to play on. A military prisoner of war. Potentially important somewhere down the road. Competition? With whom? Another officer? A former golf partner? Not strong enough. With whom? A relative perhaps? A more successful relative? Striving, Robert, striving. I did read…

  RTC: Now, Gregory, let’s not drive down that road. Enough is enough.

  GD: Now, Robert, it was you who asked me about Condon, don’t forget. You want to stop me while on a roll? That’s like your girl friend letting you touch her just a little bit right down there but not too much or too long. That’s called prick teasing. Competition with a relative? Someone living under the shadow of a famous relative? Did we have any prisoners with famous parents or siblings? Perhaps an exalted father…mothers don’t count except in the Oedipal way. Now I was recently reading about someone who was a prisoner of war. Injured badly, came from a distinguished military family. I’m sure you know the name, Robert. That one. That fits. Position to be helpful. If he gets unhappy, there are little reminders of past favors that it would be wise not to talk about. They help your career and you help them. Money. Senior military officers have a decent pension, but it ceases when they die, I believe.

  RTC: Gregory, you are hopeless, but I love the way your mind works. A wealthy marriage is possible.

  GD: Have a glass of beer, Bob.

  RTC: Do be quiet about this, Gregory. This person has serious ambitions and there is no concrete proof of anything.

  GD: If a stupid person like myself could put a scenario together so quickly, given your valuable hints, couldn’t others?

  RTC: I doubt it, Gregory. Now we won’t be talking about this episode, will we?

  GD: I suppose that depends, Robert. I wouldn’t want a Soviet…pardon, Russian…agent in too high a level, would I? And neither would you.

  RTC: It’s a waiting game.

  GD: Do we have something concrete besides a neat guessing game?

  RTC: Yes, a copy of an interrogation file complete with future plans.

  GD: My, my. And I suppose with that, your people could turn this individual, turn him to feed the Russians false information. I mean not obvious fake material but with just enough real bits in the dinner to make it pleasant to eat. You would turn him back to the paths of righteousness and fuck the enemy. That’s what I would do, Robert. A fool would expose him or shoot him when he’s taking a hike in the desert.

  RTC: You got all this from Mueller?

  GD: No, but he and I got on very well because we thought the same way. I suspect the reason why I get on with you is that we think the same way. Robert, I am only a shopworn observer of the human condition. Who would want to hire me? Don’t forget, Kimmel has called me a loose cannon, so that must be true and no one wants to hire a loose cannon. What he means by that is that clever as I know I am, I am not a whore and they could never get me to do something I thought was wrong. Never. And they know that very well. Mueller said my psyche was rooted in the Middle Ages and Heini was dead on. Simplistic as it is, there was a code of behavior and social interaction that they don’t have now. Why? Humanity has been reduced to a common denominator, Robert. This makes inferior people feel secure and happy in their knowledge that it is good to be mediocre. Or worse. So and So went to Harvard. Or Yale. Or Princeton. So and So thinks he is a walking god. He might be a useless twit but he went to Harvard.

  RTC: We had legions of those in the Company, Gregory. I was a lace-curtain Mick from Chicago and I didn’t fit in with the sailing and horsey crowd.

  GD: And neither did Mueller and he was a better man than any of those effete twits. Bring back the old days, Robert, when merit and merit alone got you to the top. And do make sure I can get that file on the Candidate if anything happens to you.

  RTC: What would you do with it?

  GD: Wait and see.

  RTC: We will see indeed.

  (Concluded at 12:45 PM CST)

  Conversation No. 16

  Date: Sunday, June 16, 1996

  Commenced: 2:30 PM CST

  Concluded: 2:50 PM CST

  RTC: Good day to you, Gregory. I have some interesting news for you today. One of my friends from the Agency tipped me off, knowing how much trouble I have had with the Swiss people across the street. Seems the Jews are planning to squeeze them over Nazi money.

  GD: The Third Reich is over and done with years ago.

  RTC: No, they put money into the Swiss banks during the war and the Jews want it. I mean even if Hitler sent tons of Reichsbank gold to Switzerland, our Hebrew friends have decided that it was all from melted down wedding rings and dental gold.

  GD: Oh such idiotic crap. The Reichsbank refined any gold they bought, stamped it and used it in trade. How in the name of sweet Jesus can the Jews say that this bar came from screaming co-religionists? Garbage. Christ, FDR stole over a hundred million from the Jews in ’41 and five will get you ten that the Jews will never see a penny of this.

  RTC: Seized assets?

  GD: Right. That was in ’41 and the Rubin report says they never got a cent of it back. Old Franklin gave the money to his family and friends so how can we give it back?

  RTC: Franklin was not an honest man.

  GD: No, he was not. He cheated on his ugly dyke wife and on everyone else. Jesse Jones got several million.

  RTC: Oh, and I was laboring under the misapprehension that Jesse was honest. You’re disillusioning me. Anyway, perhaps you could do a story for your new friend Carto on the subject. It’s my impression that he is not friendly to our Yiddish friends.

  GD: Actually, ‘yiddish’ is a language and not a people but I take your meaning. I wish them luck but the Switzers are very tight with their money.

  RTC: Gregory, haven’t you learned in all your readings that a Jew in pursuit of money is an awesome thing to behold. I almost feel sorry for the Swiss.

  GD: They should go after the U.S. Treasury to get their deposits back. FDR took them for safekeeping and kept them. Almost 130 million at the time.

  RTC: No, the Jews will never go after this country. Why America is the sole supporter of Israel, didn’t you know? All they have to do is to send some Jewish lobby person around to various Congressmen and the money gushes forth. Of course this marks us down with the Arabs a
s participating in all the nasty business over there and participating on the wrong side. Well, one of these days, the Arabs will get at us for being too friendly.

  GD: That will get them nowhere. It will give Israel the opportunity of heating up the fires of war against their enemies. That’s a bit typical I must say. Israel will fight to the death of the last American soldier. I can just see the Russians helping them. The Russians hate them and have been spending the last few years chasing them out of Russia. The new Russians blame the Jews for the atrocities committed by Stalin.

  RTC: Well, if it weren’t for the Jews, Stalin would have been gone from the scene long before Beria poisoned him in ’53. Old Joe, by the way, may have used the Jews but he hated them and when it got ga-ga, he began to persecute them. The fact that his daughter was seduced by an old Jew movie producer didn’t help the situation any. That’s one of the reasons Laverenti got rid of Stalin. That and the fact that Stalin was planning to get rid of Laverenti. Besides, Beria was a Jew so the inference there is plain. Well, now they are after any German gold still in Swiss banks. Look for the PR people to cut loose with prayer shawls and wailing when they want us to pressure Bern. It never fails.

  GD: Oh, I know about the wailing. You hear it in the shops in Chicago. Some old prune says, ‘My whole family was turned to soap in Auschwitz. They even gassed the cat so can’t I get a better deal on that sofa?’

  RTC: So unkind, Gregory, so unkind. And I used to get after Jim who just thought they were all wonderful. My God, did you know that their Mossad, which was originally a sort of travel agency for unwanted Jews, smuggled tens of thousands of perfectly awful Polish Jews into Miami after the war? Brought them up from Cuba and Central America by the boatsfull. People up here were unaware of this and when they found out, they were too afraid of being called Nazis to dare to demand expulsion. ‘They have suffered so much,’ Eisenhower said, ‘ so we can just turn a blind eye.’